Rx Phone Tag

Hello, Lori, this is _____ from Dr. _____'s office. Please call us when it's convenient.

Last week (Wednesday to be exact) I had a check-up at my new doctor's office. Surprisingly, the last few years I haven't actually had a family practitioner. I've birthed two children, regularly visited my OBGYN, and had yearly check-ups with my gastroenterologist, but never really had a "regular" doctor. I suppose I'm lucky I never needed one! However, after turning thirty, I decided it was time to have someone on call beyond my specialists.

This is Lori Smith, returning your phone call. Please call me back at blah-blah-blah. You get the idea.

At my appointment, I was pleased with my experiences with both the nurse and the doctor. Professional, friendly, with some personal connections tossed in as well. Lucky me! In fact, the only downside was when they drew blood for a work-up. Not my favorite! They sent me off with a smile and a promise to call with my results the following day. As I left the building, I felt proud of myself for following my New Year's Resolution and trying to take better care of myself. Go me!

Lori, this is _____ from Dr. _____'s office. Please call us when it's convenient.

As a teacher, I can be difficult to get ahold of during the day. I mean, my working hours are jam-packed with classes, hall duties, and a scant thirty-minute lunch break. Yes, I do carry a cell phone, but I am prohibited from having it out at school except for my prep, a daily forty-five minute block of time. Believe me, I understand this presents a challenge.

Hello, this is Lori Smith, returning your call again regarding my bloodwork. If possible, please leave a detailed message about my results. Otherwise, I can be reached on my cell during the following hours: yada yada yada.

After I missed the first phone call from the doctor's office last Thursday, I was a hot mess. Was something wrong? Am I anemic again? Did they find something wrong with my thyroid? On and on and on. If you know me, you probably know that I inherited the worry-wart-gene from my mother, and when it rears its head things can get ugly.

Lori, this is _____ from Dr. _____'s office. Please call us when it's convenient.

By Friday, I was calling multiple times a day. In the morning before school. Sneaking a cell call in my back room during passing periods. Repeatedly calling during my prep, hoping for a connection or a call-back. Sadly, all I got was voice mail. And more voice mail. And more voice mail.

This is Lori Smith, calling again and leaving another voice mail. If the desperation in my voice is any indication, I am GOING NUTS HERE!

Okay, maybe not, but I left message after message, trying to be helpful and list my available times. I dutifully carried my cell phone around, waiting and hoping and praying. Please ring. Wouldn't it be nice if it would ring right now? OMG RING!!!

Hello, Lori, this is _____ from Dr. _____'s office. Please call us when it's convenient.

I missed that call every.single.time.

This is Lori Smith. Again. At the same cell number as before. Still available at the same times as previously mentioned. Before school. Lunch time. Prep time. After school. Going crazy here. Please help.

It's almost been a week since my blood was drawn, and I'm no closer to my results than I was before. It's eerie how they return my calls at the most inopportune times. During class. When I'm in the bathroom. Elbow-deep in Hudson's poop diaper. However, I've become really, really close to my worry-wart-gene. And I swear I could pick this particular nurse's voice from a bank of thousands.

Lori, this is _____ from Dr. _____'s office. Please call us when it's convenient.

And tonight, while shopping at Buehler's with my daughter, I saw my doctor in.the.flesh. at the other end of the store. It took every ounce of strength in my body to hurtle myself in front of my own desperation and stop myself from sprinting across the store, screaming his name, and throwing myself at his mercy and at his feet. At this point, I didn't care about those darn HIPAA laws. SOMEONE TELL ME ABOUT MY BLOODWORK, DAMMIT!

Hi. It's me. Again. Remember me? I'm the one in the pup tent. Yeah, the one outside your office. I'm sorry, but that worry-wart-gene was really getting to me, and since I couldn't teach my classes cause I was always sneaking away with my cell phone, I just took the day off. And now I'm here. Again. Waiting. Again. Please call when it's convenient.