Fifth Birthday

May 29, 2014

Dear Hudson,

Today you turned five years old, and this birthday was truly transformative.  This year, I looked at you and saw a boy.  Not a baby, or a toddler, or even a preschooler.  Now, you are a big boy, and when I look at you I realize how wonderfully you have grown into yourself this year.  Being Hudson has been so good for you.

You are five.  You are fantastic.

For the first time ever,  you requested a friend party, and I was all too happy to oblige.  Since bowling parties seemed to be all the rage for the preschool set, we organized a bowling birthday party for both friends and family.  It was perfect for you!  While I was nervous about how you'd handle the responsibility of playing host, I couldn't have been prouder of your behavior.  You greeted your guests, secured them drinks, snacks, and seats, and basically blew us all away with your maturity and simple joy at hosting.  I always knew you had it in you, but this time you just glowed with happiness.

Soon you will be a kindergartner, and I hope you will rise to that challenge as you have all others.  You read chapter books now, with the sweetest reading voice I've ever heard.  You enjoy quiet playtime like never before, though you'd still rather have company.  You desperately wanted to attend church at your preschool, and now we go there regularly.  We finally got you and your sister a puppy, and you have become an expert dog whisperer with little Claire.  You never cease to surprise me.

Being your mother has been the most magical experience of my life.  From your happy birth, through your laid-back baby times, to watching you explore your expanding world, it has been an honor to guide you.  I thank God every day for entrusting me with this boy.  You reward me with boundless love, witty humor, and blessed quiet snuggles.

Yes, Hudson, you are growing up handsomely as always.  There is vast potential within you, and I cannot wait to see how it grows and blossoms and expands. 

Happy birthday, my boy.

All my love.

Mom  

Eighth Birthday

March 25, 2014

Dear Ava,

Today you turned eight years old, and I realized—for the first time, really—how complex you are becoming within yourself and the world.  I looked at you, at your sweet face and tall, lanky form, and simply marveled. Here is my little girl, growing lovelier before my eyes.  Here is my best friend, knowing exactly when to take my hand.  Here is my old soul, teaching me more about life than I ever thought possible.  

You are eight.  You are enchanting.

This year, you opted to focus on a friend party, which we’ll host next week.  Although I think you missed having that big family shin-dig on your birthday, I know you are transitioning to a more sociable sense of self, and I support that expanding part of your life.  You have always had a captivating personality, and even as your vulnerabilities emerge, I know that you have a solid understanding of who you are and who you want to be.  At your core, you’ll always be my sweet, strong Ava B.    

You still love playing Barbies and reading books, and your sense of fashion is continually evolving.  I love how you prioritize homework each night, and that you’ve stuck with dance classes for almost a whole year now.  You’re contemplating playing softball soon, and your imagination is as wonderful as ever.  There’s nothing more magical to me than watching you in the playroom, creating worlds and characters and bits of fairy-tale.  You love anything Frozen right now, and hearing you hum or sing aloud melts my heart.  Recently, Hudson cut his finger, and you held him in your lap and told him silly stories until he stopped crying.   

As your mother, I love that your sweet, sassy core has never changed.  Your sense of self is so assured, so strong.  Yet each year, new facets of your personality emerge, little surprises that make each day special.  You value family and faith above all else, but you’re not afraid to question the world.  You are independent, yet still the girl who likes to know she is appreciated, understood, and loved. 

Yes, Ava, you are growing up exquisitely  Eight years have passed in a beautiful kaleidoscope of treasured memories, and I know that you will always make me proud to be your mother.  In return, I hope that I can always show you how much you are loved.  Deeply.  Truly.  Unhaltingly. 

Happy eighth birthday, my lovely lady.

All my love,
Mom

Currently I am....

appreciating all the snow days and 2-hour delays we’ve been getting during this crazy winter weather.  Although some have been complaining about the distractions and inevitable make-up time later this school year, I’ve simply been thankful for the extra time to rest during my most recent UC flare-up. 

reading The Enemy by Charlie Higson (yes, that would be a sorta zombie book).  My reading habits have changed slightly since becoming a middle school teacher, but I’ve been enjoying my trip into YA fiction. 

listening to a lot of Katy Perry lately.  Ava got Prism for Christmas, and we’ve been rocking it at the house quite a bit.  I didn’t want to like "Roar," but I really do.

tasting kale.  In an effort to increase my overall health, I’ve been attempting to eat healthier, and kale is something I can easily incorporate into my daily diet.  I’ve added it to salads, smoothies, even omelets.  Easy peasy!

learning that life moves in subtle waves, and I seem to be riding one of those transitional whitecaps this year.  I can’t exactly explain (and maybe it’s just my general health woes), but I feel decidedly different, and I’m trying to just roll with it.

noticing the precious piles of laundry that I’ve been folding, and how they reveal the true goodness of my life.  A pretty pile of little girl clothes, all sparkly and sweet.  A rough-and-tumble stack of little boy long-sleeved T-shirts that feature superheroes and Adventure Time.  Even a big overflowing wad of adult men’s socks.  I am blessed.

anticipating the mid-season return of The Walking Dead.  I still can’t believe some former students got me stuck on this series, but I am avid.

working hard every single day at school, even during those delayed days.  After teaching high school for nine years, it’s not easy to switch gears and masterfully educate seventh graders.  It is a challenge every day.

making an effort to read with each child, each day.  Ava has been devouring chapter books on her own, but I still like to try and read with her a little bit.  Also, Hudson has suddenly exploded on the reading front and has surprised us with his abilities.  His new Leap Pad Ultra has a lot to do with it, but he can now read nearly at Ava’s level.  I love that they can both read to me now!

watching lots of red carpets and awards shows.  It’s that time of year, and even the kids enjoy discussing the dresses as much as I do.

accepting that I will always have ulcerative colitis, that it will always catch me off guard, that steroids will always steal my vanity from me, but that I will always bounce back eventually.

organizing an impressive amount of license renewal materials.  If only a teaching license was good for—oh, I don’t know—forever?

planning a cool new pirate-themed bedroom for Hudson.

loving my Zumba classes as much as ever and hoping to get back into a routine.

buying two matching black bookcases for the playroom.  Each kid gets one to decorate just perfectly.

finishing up our tax paperwork and hoping for a big return.

embracing the cold, because it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

daring (at the same time) to plan for spring, for warmth, for health.

A Thrill of Hope

I sat gazing at the Christmas tree, its blinking lights symbolic of the war within me. BLINK. I absolutely love Christmas; it’s my favorite time of the year.  BLINK.  I suffer from ulcerative colitis; it cares not about holidays.  BLINK.  There’s nothing more magical and spiritual than celebrating our Savior’s birth.  BLINK.  Christmas with colitis?  BLINK.

O Holy night, the stars are brightly shining

I played Monopoly with my daughter and read books to my son.  We snuggled on the couch and watched our favorite movies together.  I tried to pretend that I didn’t know what was coming, but I had been through it too many times to deny it.  After I tucked my little loves into bed, I let it wash over me.  The disappointment, the despair, the tears that could do nothing to thwart yet another UC flare-up.

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth

In sixteen years, I’ve never asked WHY ME?  Not once.  Yet this Christmas I’ve never come so close to screaming those words aloud.  At the last second, I managed instead a strangled WHY NOW?

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

I wrapped gifts with Christmas music playing softly in the background and clung to my faith more tightly than ever.  I counted my blessings.  I reminded myself that I still had life, still had possibilities, even if my hope was fading.  I couldn’t cure my disorder, but there were medicines that could curb its symptoms.  Sure, the steroids might trigger the dreaded and bloated moon face, might add pounds to my weak body, might grow hair in unwanted places and flavor food with the taste of metal.  So what? I was alive.  I was happy. 

'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth

I’ve always known this was my cross to bear, and for sixteen years I’ve borne it bravely.  I just never realized that I had yet to truly accept that this cross would be a lifelong struggle, or to realize that it might get worse as I aged, rather than better.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices

Then I heard the song drifting through my holiday-laden house, and I truly listened.  Then my tears—bitter, desperate, despairing—turned to ones of hope.  He was born and died for me.  He would help carry my burden.  All I had to do was let Him.

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

I am the first one to admit I get caught up in the holiday hype.  I will also throw myself the most lavish pity party when another UC flare-up visits me.  I am selfish, flawed, and often wayward.  I always say I know the real reason for the season, but I never really felt it in such a raw way until this year.

Fall on your knees

My hope did waver this year; it was a thin thread amongst my candy canes, winter  boots, and mounting depression.  I was angry about my health issues.  I was frustrated.  I was hopeless.  Yes, I loved my family and counted my blessings, but I was still lost.  It wasn’t until a simple song reached out to me, and He found me again.  That was my holy night, and I hope it gives me strength in the battle to come.  No, I know it will.

 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Snow Days Are...

 

Making magical memories where siblings (equal) best friends.

Letting imaginations run wild as backyard blankets of snow become unexplored kingdoms.

Discovering an untold wealth of creativity cloaked in the simplicity of white snow and colored water.

Whittling the world down to the beautiful confines of two children and endless smiles.

Yeah, all that & more.

Welcome, December!

But first, my sincere apologies to November.  That was such a busy, busy month that I never even considered blogging.  I had two weddings (one of which I was photographer!) and an Indy bachelorette party scheduled, plus several other minor events.  Every weekend was a flurry of activity, and I barely managed to keep up with both my personal and professional obligations.  Still, I was more than happy to share a wedding day with one of my favorite brides ever, and it was a pleasure to process all the photos from that happy celebration.

 

Isn't she lovely?

Of course, December has arrived beautifully, and today we're enjoying our first official snow day.  Hence the first real chance to update with a post. Honestly, I know I've likely missed so many wonderful opportunities to include, but I think it would just be easier to start from today.  Except for Hudson's Christmas program.  It was too sweet to overlook. 

 

He makes me smile.

Here's a few snapshots of our fun in the snow from earlier today.  From Saint Nick (who stopped by this morning with stockings full of goodies) to wrapping Christmas gifts, we've been filled with holiday cheer.  So as I watch snow blanket the backyard and prepare to start some taco soup, I am planning to return soon with regularly scheduled blogging at its best.

 

 

Happy December!

Autumn Activities

In the interest of time laziness, here are some quick recaps of our recent autumn activities:

Huntingburg Herbstfest



 

Holiday World Halloween Weekends

 

Mesker Park's Boo at the Zoo